FUCK YOU
IT IS SAD THAT THE FIRST LINE THAT COMES TO MY MIND TO WRITE TONIGHT IS THESS WORDS. KINDA FUN. NO NOT REALLY I HAVE HAD A REAL HARD LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. MOST OF THIS ISSUE IS IN MYSELF. SOME OF IT IS WITH OTHERS. BUT WHAT CAN I SAY AND DO ABOUT OTHERS THEY RUN THEIR OWN LIVES. I GOT MY OWN TO WORRY ABOUT. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU LIFE. WTF? I REALLY HAVE NOTHING. I AM MAD AT A PERSON. I AM MAD BECAUSE I CAUGHT THEM IN A SET UP. I MADE IT AND I KNEW THE OUTCOME BEFORE I FINISHED. FUCKED UP MUCH. YES. AM I GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? OR AM I GOING TO FILE IT AWAY FOR ANOTHER DAY? CHOICES THAT WE ARE PRESENTED WITH. CHOICES THAT I DON’T CARE TO MAKE JUST YET. NOT GOING FURTHER INTO THAT ONE. YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS BUT I WON’T ANSWER. SAD THING IS EVERYTIME I WRITE A BLOG EVERYONE HAS TO ASK IS IT ME? DID I PISS YOU OFF? IS EVERYONE GULITY MUCH? SOMETIMES THINGS JUST DON’T HAVE TO DO WITH YOU. SO IF YOU WANT TO WONDER, DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME, SPACE AND THOUGHT. FAR AS I AM CONCERNED WHAT I DID WAS NOT BAD. DIDN’T EVEN START AS A SET UP. THEY SET THEMSELVES UP ACCIDENTLY ON PURPOSE MAYBE. ANYWAY, YOU GUYS CAN FIGHT OVER WHO YOU WANT IT TO BE. BUT I WILL ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH.
I WORRY ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT PHASE OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN IN I WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. IT KINDA MAKES ME TURN INTO A ZOMBIE. WELL JEEPERS CREEPERS. I HAVE BECOME ONE OF THOSE. OH MAN SOMEONE SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD NOW. WHY WOULD THIS BE OKAY? ITS REALLY NOT, JUST WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH ON THE BRAIN ITS ALMOST LIKE IT JUST SHUTS DOWN. I FUCK UP A LOT, HENCE THE PHRASE FUCK YOU. THE ONLY THING I THINK A ZOMBIE WOULD SAY IF IT COULD SPEAK. I EXPECT TO MUCH OUT OF LIFE AND SOMETIMES IT IS AS IT IS. FUCKED UP. I HAVE TO TAKE IT THAT WAY AND WORRY OR TRY AND FIND SOME ASPHALT FIELDS OF JASMINE…NOT HAPPENING IN MY LIFE OR BEFORE. I NEED ONE THING TO HAPPEN TO SET MY LIFE ON FIRE TO SET ME FREE OF THIS RUT THAT I AM IN. WALDEN WOULD BE PROUD OF THE WAY I HAVE USED HIS WRITING IN MY LIFE. MAYBE NOT HOW I LIVE IT BUT HOW I HAVE APPLIED THE CONCEPT AT LEAST.
FUCK IS A BIG WORD IN THIS ESSAY SO AGAIN LET ME SAY. FUCK. I AM UNSURE IF IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER YET BUT THE RED FITS MY MOOD. STRANGE. NEVER BEEN A RED PERSON. BUT HERE IT IS. FUCK FEELS GOOD TO BE A DIFFERENT COLOR FOR THE FEW SHORT MINUTES I WRITE MY BLOG…
TIME IS AN ISSUE HERE OF LATE TOO. I HAVE TOO MUCH OF IT OR JUST NOT ENOUGH OF IT. AND OF COURSE NOT AN OUNCE OF TIME TO WRITE. I PROMSIED A BLOG DAYS AGO AND I AM JUST NOW DOING AND I AM NOT EVEN WRITING ON WHAT I WAS GOING TOO ANYWAY. FRUSTRATING. MAYBE I AM SELFISH WITH MY TIME BUT I FEEL LIKE I AM GIVING UP WHAT MAKES ME ON THE WRITING. NOT HAPPENING AND THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING STANDING IN THE WAY OF IT. SOMETIMES LIFE JUST TAKES OVER. I UNDERSTAND. I JUST GOT TO DO BETTER AT THIS. AND HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF. I MEAN REALLY. FUCK. I AM THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME. FUCK ME. I FEEL LIKE A FAILER.
