Thursday, October 27, 2011
Bitch Out
You know what I am a complainer. I like to complain. But what does it say when the complainer says that it is just time to stop complaining? Its pretty fucking bad. I am almost to the point to stop talking to this person because they are bringing me down so bad. I don't want too but I am trying to do things better in my life fix my mistakes why do I need someone to keep reminding me of my faults and or making some things worse than they are by exaggerating on a particular situation. Yes, I have made some really bad fucking choices have hurt lots of people but damn fucking shut up and change it. Its already known your not going to take any ones advice but your own so just fix it, see it, own it! I have to every fucking day. Even if its a little mistake I still have to own up to it and fix it. I can point and blame for so long and boom right in my fucking face again. Fuck that shit. Just deal with it and take care of it don't swim around in your own shit for years because your too fucking scared. Stop saying that your gonna do and then never do. Just make yourself happy for once. Damn.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Jasmine in the Asphalt feilds
So what can I really say about the last couple of weeks...So much has happened not only mentally but physicaly for me too. Life changing. Not much to really go on about...
I do have one thing I would like to bitch about today and I might piss someone off but it really needs to be said. So here it goes.
Not everyone is against you and not everything is your fault. This is something I try to overcome on somethings still today. But somethings just happen and there is nothing you can do about it. I have always said that YOU make the choices that change your life. Not that I don't believe in a greater power to lead us; just I think we always have a choice to change it. It always gives you a choice. Sometimes you make the right choice and sometimes you don't. Sometimes those choices follow you for years...sometimes you just dwell on them for so long that they are like brand new in your eyes all the time.
Example: I remember once when a friend hurt me. She said some really bad things that hurt really deep to the core of who I was, though I am not that person anymore, I still from time to time look in the mirror and say "I am not a horrible person." It took a really long time for me to even say it. Though this person and I are good friends today and we have both apologized to each other, I still sometimes think I must be a horrible person. Its not her fault I have this downfall but I sometimes still have it. I have to tell myself that I am just not that person anymore. Move on I say. I wanted to change myself.
So I changed and I discovered a world that had been waiting for me. I became stronger. Not only emotionally but mentally. I sometimes wonder about my sisters though. They each dwell on their own needs and forget that others have feelings too. Trust me I am not a perfect person I have my moments and I will be the first to say that. But how can I trust in my sisters when they are not strong enough to trust in themselves? There is a battle before us and so far I have one that I shut off and blocked out of something she can control, I have another that is demeaning herself and dealing with things she needs to let go before they are used against her, and another that just needs to know that we love her and believe in herself and she can accomplish great things. After everything I have seen and all that I have made it through I have no reason not to beleive in myself. I can do anything I can overcome and I can come back and save my loved ones even if they dont want to be saved.
I cant let them take control. I would not be that person to let them hurt themselves because their minds were not open or their souls were roaming in another place. Though my soul always wonders looking for the Jasmine in the asphalt filled feilds, I can control those that have tried to take me from my reality. Sometimes what you dont see and sometimes the stories that you think you know are so much bigger than what you think they are. Never judge me. I would blow your mind. That is if I ever chose to tell you. I am not about the been there done that shit. But if I tell you something and or tell you do to something, you should probley beleive me and do it. Just sayin...
So to my sisters: Time to snap out of it. We need eachother now and we not only need to believe in ourselfs but eachother. So before I can put my life in your hands. Fix it. Stop blaming everything on yourself, stop complaining that everyone is against you and for Goddess sake remember that in your choices you need to make sure you think of someone besides yourself. Remember that you are strong and that you can do what people say you cant and you can over come the hardest roads if you just wake up every day knowing that your not going to let anyone walk all over you. Help those that need it. Maybe just a little, maybe just a lot. Maybe you got to forget the past and realize that sometimes its just not about you anymore but about that person who was placed in your life right here, right now that needs YOU! Remember YOU make the choices in your life, you chose what road to travel. You choose to play the fiddle or to keep on walking. You can beat the greater evil without selling your soul to be happy.
I do have one thing I would like to bitch about today and I might piss someone off but it really needs to be said. So here it goes.
Not everyone is against you and not everything is your fault. This is something I try to overcome on somethings still today. But somethings just happen and there is nothing you can do about it. I have always said that YOU make the choices that change your life. Not that I don't believe in a greater power to lead us; just I think we always have a choice to change it. It always gives you a choice. Sometimes you make the right choice and sometimes you don't. Sometimes those choices follow you for years...sometimes you just dwell on them for so long that they are like brand new in your eyes all the time.
Example: I remember once when a friend hurt me. She said some really bad things that hurt really deep to the core of who I was, though I am not that person anymore, I still from time to time look in the mirror and say "I am not a horrible person." It took a really long time for me to even say it. Though this person and I are good friends today and we have both apologized to each other, I still sometimes think I must be a horrible person. Its not her fault I have this downfall but I sometimes still have it. I have to tell myself that I am just not that person anymore. Move on I say. I wanted to change myself.
So I changed and I discovered a world that had been waiting for me. I became stronger. Not only emotionally but mentally. I sometimes wonder about my sisters though. They each dwell on their own needs and forget that others have feelings too. Trust me I am not a perfect person I have my moments and I will be the first to say that. But how can I trust in my sisters when they are not strong enough to trust in themselves? There is a battle before us and so far I have one that I shut off and blocked out of something she can control, I have another that is demeaning herself and dealing with things she needs to let go before they are used against her, and another that just needs to know that we love her and believe in herself and she can accomplish great things. After everything I have seen and all that I have made it through I have no reason not to beleive in myself. I can do anything I can overcome and I can come back and save my loved ones even if they dont want to be saved.
I cant let them take control. I would not be that person to let them hurt themselves because their minds were not open or their souls were roaming in another place. Though my soul always wonders looking for the Jasmine in the asphalt filled feilds, I can control those that have tried to take me from my reality. Sometimes what you dont see and sometimes the stories that you think you know are so much bigger than what you think they are. Never judge me. I would blow your mind. That is if I ever chose to tell you. I am not about the been there done that shit. But if I tell you something and or tell you do to something, you should probley beleive me and do it. Just sayin...
So to my sisters: Time to snap out of it. We need eachother now and we not only need to believe in ourselfs but eachother. So before I can put my life in your hands. Fix it. Stop blaming everything on yourself, stop complaining that everyone is against you and for Goddess sake remember that in your choices you need to make sure you think of someone besides yourself. Remember that you are strong and that you can do what people say you cant and you can over come the hardest roads if you just wake up every day knowing that your not going to let anyone walk all over you. Help those that need it. Maybe just a little, maybe just a lot. Maybe you got to forget the past and realize that sometimes its just not about you anymore but about that person who was placed in your life right here, right now that needs YOU! Remember YOU make the choices in your life, you chose what road to travel. You choose to play the fiddle or to keep on walking. You can beat the greater evil without selling your soul to be happy.
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