If I knew you loved me.

Sometimes I think late at night that I could forgive you for everything. If only I knew that you loved me. I could come to think that you would be accepted no matter what you did, if you could prove that you did in fact love me. I would even say that if you were on your knees begging me that all would be forgotten on what you have said and done to others. But you wont. You dont love me. Sometimes I wonder if you ever did? I was alone still married to you because you would not think of anyone but yourself and of course your grandparents. Yes, they are good people but at some point shouldnt I matter too? No, because I dont matter. If I were on the edge of the cliff and you had to jump over fire to save me, I know I would die. Sad hard truth. Truth hurts though. The truth that everything about you and I ended up a lie. Everything changed all the long conversations that of who we are and how we wanted life to be. It was a lie between eachother. You never understood anything. Because you never thought about anyone but yourself. So did you love me?