Black Heart Molds

You would think that at my age I would learn that being sneaky always ends up hurting me in the end. One would think that his little highschool girl syndrom would have in some way grown up in all that  I have been in. No, I was sneaky as hell and watched everything I already knew and expected rolled out in front of me while I sucked on my smoke and let the truth break away the last little pink pieces of my heart... I am not going to tell what I did exactly. I think I wont because I want to do it again! Tonight was a rare and interesting. It may or may not happen for me again. But I was put in this place for me to discover a few things and too see that my husband is sweet talking more than just one woman!! This one just makes him melt. I was sickened by the words said by him. Like he actually knew what love was or something? I was under the impression that he did not know how to love. He is still at it as we speak on here. People wonder why I am such a bitch? Its because every man that I have ever been with just gives up on me because they dont understand who I am.  I really didnt think I was hiding anything about myself. It is so frustrating knowing that he already even before we stopped talking had a woman that he was talking too. He never wanted to talk to me or love me. I was there for sex. Not to whisper sweet nothings too. Damnit fuck him. I am so frustrated on what he did not understand before we got married? He was the biggest mistake of my life. I settled for him and I know this now. Why? Hell if I know. He has left me even more twisted than one could imagine. Its going to take more than  a stranger to understand that I am different. Black Sheep would not describe me.  I am an outsider. The people who love me even dont understnad the depth of this distortion. I have a lot of secrets to tell. The quiet one is always the one they say to worry about. Well, I am let me see if you know what I am thinking? Do you think that you know what is going on in my head? Right, who is giong to take the time to learn? Total silence. You would rather guess and make up what you think I am than try and discover it. So my deep secrets go deeper and my back heart molds. How you going to fix that?