Humpty Dumpty Ran out of Glue...

Life pretty much sucks for everyone right now. In some way or another someone is worried about something. Money, health, love, uncontrollable tourettes, whatever it may be, it sucks. My life sucks. I wont lie. I am in the middle of a divorce, I am on a workers comp case because I fell at work and hurt myself. I really dislike my job at times, I worry about having enough money to pay my bills, I worry about having enough time and I worry about how I am going to clean my house. One because I cant carry anything over 10 pounds, thank you workers comp :(, and two I have not motivation to do shit. I get up, take a shower, sometimes I will eat, listen to music to at least start blood pumping in my cold dead heart, and stare at a blank page in an attempt to write something. I then realize that I have to leave home at, at least 12:30 to ensure I have a seat next to my Superviser and RMT. I work, I sometimes eat lunch. I watch people and try to find  a place to hide in the Sprint compound. I never do find a place to hide and I end up back in the call floor watching CNN and trying to text people who answer back. As you can see my life is lame and I havent even described what I do when I get off of work. I dont think I am going to. I think I spend most of my time thinking about how I could have changed things around. Then I look at the fact that I did not control everyone in the situation. Others had their own moves, their own words and their own ideas on how to fix, create, or solve a problem. Did it all work? No, in some cases it got worse.
So I have narrowed it down to a couple of things in my head because in my head it doesnt hurt as bad thinking about as it does realizing that it could actually hurt. I am alone. I crave the touch and affection of a man, but I can live without it? No, I really cant. But I must push people away, at least men anyway. I always want to be alone. My favorite kind of fun is in my head. There must be some kind of mental disorder for this or something. I fear I will end up alone. I mean look at this. I am going to be 29 no kids, no husband and two cats. I know, I know it takes time and people are all, what are you worried about your a sweet girl you will find someone. Ah, those people dont know about the heart I have to reactivate every morning when I get up. Those people, dont know me. They only think they know me. Which is why I push them away I guess. I am not looking for anything but someone to know me. I wont let them, again mental disorder of some kind I am sure.
Here I am babbling about how life sucks and how in the hours I spend my time thinking of ways to change the past, like it could be changed. I have really lost it im the time that passes. I just feel lost. Lost to everyone. My friends and family know me but the do not know me. The thoughts in my head are hazaedous to most people who can walk a straight line, and trust me I have never been able to do that either, sober. I am awake and alert and all I can do is write a blog that I think I am crazy and that life sucks for everyone. Then I also think I am only talking about how my life sucks. I forgot I was talking about other people too when I was on here. I dont know how to beat this. I cant keep asking for help from friends and family because I am a sorry ass. I just dont know what to do. I feel like just destorying my apartment my life and just crawling in a little room with a bed a sink and a toilet. Someone can feed me like a cat. It seems so much simpler knowing that I would just give it all up to have such simple plan of life. I dont destory anything. There is no one there to pick me up. I know people say that they are always there with me, for me. But sometimes the coffee is just not strong enough for the stranger minds to fix a situation that existed. I can only imagine what will come about from people when they read this blog. But let me tell you its text book, I am depressed. I know it. I have no idea how to deal or take care of it. So my world tumbles down and rebuilds everyday. Soon I will run out of glue. Then you wont be able to put humpty dumpty together again...