SO this holiday season I am really down and out. This is a time you are supposed to find the things that you are grateful for in your life. Right now I just can’t seem to find much that I am grateful for? I find myself more and more frustrated everyday as I am finding that I can barely pay my own bills. I can’t do any kind of Christmas and I can’t stop what I am doing to have any kind of human interaction other than what I get at work. It seems that I don’t have the time for any kind of real relationship. I am screaming for something. Some laughter, real conversation, real time that I can enjoy this and just even time to think. I am so tired all the time and it’s just not my body. I am tired all the time because of all the drama from talking and dealing with people all the time. I just stopped talking to some people just to see if the drama stopped. Just to see how much of those drama rumors were true. I just don’t care anymore. Some people have just ruined the friendship on their own insecurities. Some ruined it because they think they can talk to me like they can control me. Guess that really turned me off so why bother. That bullshit came up again and I was done. I want something real in my life. Looks like I won’t be getting that. I know I am almost at a breaking point. I just hope I don’t break down in the wrong place. I might screw just the simple things in life. I can’t even get the basic things I need I see no point in moving on.
I guarantee that someone will take offense and say I am your friend and or that I talk to you and whatever else. This is not to say you are not there for me. Its to say I am looking for something more in life. Something that fits me, fits the life I want to lead and the person I want to be.
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